Why Men Pull Away

Why Men Pull Away

Exciting new information!  Biology is the answer to why men pull away!

First, there are always men who aren’t wanting a relationship and really aren’t emotionally mature enough for a
committed relationship and so they will pull away permanently. If they realize that you’re not just a hook up, that
you actually want something serious and intimate, they’re going to pull away and they’ll find someone
else. So there’s obviously that scenario.

But on the flip-side, there’s also the guy who wants the serious relationship. He is emotionally ready.

For most men, (they aren’t aware of why this happens), they’ll feel this instinct to pull away.

So one of the pieces of awareness is understanding that although, men and women are very similar —
we also have very significant biological differences of how we’re wired up. And if we understand and increase
our awareness of what those differences are, our relationships will go so much easier and smoother.

And so one of those differences is the way our biochemistry interacts with one another. So just to simplify,
a man’s biochemistry gets charged with dopamine, and dopamine gets triggered when we’re in action, competition,
goal achieving, things like that; whereas a woman, her biochemistry is is charged with oxytocin.
And oxytocin gets triggered when they are talking, communicating, connecting, collaborating, all of that.

When you’re being romantic, and you’re hanging out and you’re talking and you’re snuggling and
you’re spending quality time together and there’s all of these connections, a woman’s oxytocin will rise
and rise and rise and rise until she’s feeling super connected to her man. Well, the way nature is wired
up, oxytocin naturally suppresses dopamine. So as women’s oxytocin goes up and up, his dopamine
will go down, down, down, until he feels this instinctual need to pull away and go do something that fires up his
dopamine, something action-oriented. That’s why guys love action movies and loves sports, something
competitive. They’ll go play sports with the fellows or they’ll go to their workshop and they’ll go to their
man cave and they want to build something. They want to go for a drive. All they know about that
moment is they got to pull away from the one thing that’s depleting their dopamine which is you. This
can be extremely confusing and extremely irritating because right as you’re at the height of connection,
and right at the height of love, within him, he’s like, “I got to go.”

And so understanding this — we call it allowing him his dopamine time, and allowing him to pull away, get
his dopamine time, get that charge up.

And what most women do at that moment is they’ll say, (if he’s pulling away), “What’s wrong?” And most men don’t
know what’s going on. So they go, “I don’t know what’s wrong.” And they’re like, “No, no, no. Let’s
just talk about it. Tell me, talk to me, what’s going on? You’ll feel better if you talk about it.” And he’s
like, “I’m not going to feel better if I talk about it. He will say, “I just need to go do something.”

If a woman allows him to get a dopamine time and doesn’t take it personally, because it’s really not
about her, it’s simply about him getting his needs met on a biological basis, then he’ll get his charge
back, and then he will so appreciate you and love you and want to deliver what it is that you needed that
moment. It really creates this beautiful balance in the relationship.

So to sum it up – there’s love brain chemistry that lifts her up and makes him run and if the woman can
just be with it, it will all be okay in the end. If she knows why he’s pulling away and it’s not about
her. It’s not that she’s done something wrong or he didn’t love her. It’s actually
wired up in that way in men. It will help take the charge off of, “Oh wow, he’s not connected to me the same way I’m
connected to him.”

“Just remember that there are the types who are running because they are just not mature enough to be in an intimate relationship, or they are just not that into you! You need to figure out which is true. If he is calling you, pursuing you, is able to be intimately connected to you and committed, then it’s just the chemistry dance. Read my card on Soul Mates and Intimacy to see how intimately connected you are to each other and how well you score on self-intimacy. – Teresah

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